"All is for the best in the best of all possible worlds"
-Pangloss

Candide by Voltaire

Food for Thought

Something I read online that I want to keep for future reference

What are your goals and interests?
Here is some generic advice around getting to the mindset that lets you freely grow your intellect and personality:
One area I would start in is removing the link between your self worth and whether you are considered "smart" or "stupid". You must realize how unreasonable it is to presume that you are incapable of something (though it may take some effort). People of fairly average intelligence have achieved far more than many "geniuses" throughout history.
Labels, even positive ones, are inherently limiting. I have seen some of the smartest and most talented people I know be completely crippled by their fear of being seen as "stupid" or "untalented" because they place so much value and self worth in being viewed as smart and talented. Once you start labeling yourself as atheist, smart, Christian, lazy, stupid, disorganized, unkempt, useless, handsome, ugly, etc. then your natural tendency is to both do things and believe things that validate those labels. They become a crutch, a shelter, and they let you stagnate.
Don't compare yourself to other people. It is of little value, even as a benchmark of where you stand in the general population (because it is both extremely difficult to get a representative distribution and because biases in how the brain processes information will tend to confirm whatever your current beliefs are, among other things). You are where you are, and having a good understanding of that lets you plan and grow accordingly.
Cultivate your interests and curiosity. Being genuinely curious about things will take you further than you think is possible. Don't ever let yourself be bored. Try not to have self limiting thoughts. Always look for ways to improve. Limit how much time you spend consuming non-technical/simple things (television, reddit, Facebook, video games) Take care of your health. Focus on making important things lifestyle changes (that is, create lasting support structures for what you should be doing, and things that make it difficult to do the things you shouldn't do).

A State of Mind

That is really what "confidence" comes down to.  There are hundreds of websites on the internet that go into different points that one can do in order to become more confident.  However, at the end of the day, it all comes down to how you perceive yourself.  It's all in your head.  You can be the best in the world at something, with all of the tools and resources that you need, and still lack confidence if you don't believe in yourself.  I just want to list a few of the bullet points that seem to be repeated among various sources.

• Appearance - Dressing well and having good posture goes a long way.  Having the assurance of looking presentable is reflected in your daily routine.
• Don't dwell on failures - Part of this includes aiming for perfection.  We are not robots.  Look instead at your achievements and learn from past mistakes.
• Smile! - It really makes a difference.  There is a psychological process that is involved when you smile.
• Act - Face your fear without procrastinating.  Courage is not obtained before doing the thing you are afraid of.  Progressive desensitization and learning from mistakes will help overcome that fear.  The more you do something the less scary it seems and the more natural it feels.
• Don't compare yourself to others - Be yourself.  Embrace your uniqueness and create your own path to success in what you want in life.

It takes time to build confidence but it can always be done.  Be proud and succeed.

P.S. This one really stood out and should be thought about next time a friend gives you a compliment.

It's been a while since I posted in here.  I just returned from my flight home to my sweet darling and although the trip may have been very taxing, it was worth every moment (haha even the moments of spazzing out while holding her hand).  It's always the hardest right after being with the person you care about so much to not seeing them for weeks at a time.  I must distract my mind from the thought of her to perform even the most basic of life functions.  I miss her so much...

Excited!

Dave and Aaron just left to go back to the East Coast and now I have some work to catch up on.  I am really looking forward to my visit back to my sweetheart back home and can't wait.  One thing I have really been struggling with lately is prioritization.  How do other people prioritize what to do during the rest of their day after work?  Some options may include eating (order out vs. cooking), exercising, talking with friends / family, reading (books, news, internet), watching (movies, tv, etc.), sleep, other.  Obviously some tasks may be more beneficial than others (i.e. exercising) for your body, soul, mind.  Also time is an important limiting factor for all of these.  By falling into my daily routine, I often ignore other things I can occupy my time with that may be good for me (i.e. reading).  I forgot to add blogging too :P.  On that note, I'm going to get some food.

Miss you a lot :x

Permatemp

I just found out the actual term for what I am.  I stumbled across this article today http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Permatemp and it describes fairly accurately the situation and culture of my current position.  As the article states, it feels similar to that of a caste-like system with tight restrictions on benefits towards permatemps.  Even though the manager of my department had created some loopholes to allow me some of these benefits, this clear distinction is evident in my day to day job.  The work is fun and challenging, my colleagues have great personalities and are very accommodating, but the system is flawed and inherently decreases the morale of the non-regulars.  Half of my department consists of these "permatemps".  I'm not necessarily unhappy with my current position but I can see myself in a better position.  We will see...

Sunday Service

Today I attended the very late service of the church on Berkeley Campus. Today's passage was about the prodigal son and how he had these big dreams and asked his father for his inheritance trying to make it big away from home. As the story goes on he ends up being a pig feeder and at very rock bottom to the point where he is envious of the food the pigs are eating out of their pods. Then he goes back to his father to repent. He was going to go back and plead to be a hired servant because surely they have more food then that of his current situation. It turns out that as his father spots his coming in the distance, his father runs to him and embraces his son with a welcome heart. The relationship between the father and son in this touching family story is great, but also a correlation to our relationship with God. A constant in our lives is that without his presence, the sin of man will flourish. Whether it be the obsession with money, careerism, or something else, there will be a hole in us... a yearning for something more. C.S. Lewis states, "If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world." What we may perceive as bringing happiness here on earth will not fill this hunger, and we often forget that as we live our daily lives. I myself have not been diligent in attending the church and following Christ. Especially after leaving college and moving across the country. But as the father accepts his prodigal son's return, God welcomes us with open hands. Guide me to be in your image.